Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
tell me about the eggs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
