I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
