i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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