I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
