I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
