I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize