If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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