Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
