We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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