Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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