Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
where am i from again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
