I just made out with a guy for $7.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
