why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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