Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
