I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
