I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
