was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
