i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
