my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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