2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
