I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
