Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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