alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
