dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize