Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
