According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
