Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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