Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
