Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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