I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize