Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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