He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
