He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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