Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
