dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
