How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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