It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
