So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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