it wasn't lemon gatorade
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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