I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
