i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
