Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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