What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
