Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
