Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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