I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize