Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
