She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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