walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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