He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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