girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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