he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
