This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
