so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
