I didn't shave. On purpose
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
