I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
