She said her name was "party"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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