I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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