All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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