Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
