I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
