Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
