Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
