Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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