I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
