just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you inspire me to be a worse person
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
