So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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