oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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