glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
