Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm getting married
To pizza
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
