I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
