I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize