That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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