He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
